Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I can read

Bats don't get cancer, now scientists think they know the reason - Earth.com

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Can you share a picture of your favorite outfit and explain why you love it?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I have complete contempt for traitorism

How did the trans issue metastasize within just a decade from being a question of kindness and tolerance to a tiny minority to convulsing a whole society?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I can count

Have you ever dealt with a Christian narcissist?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t cotton to rapists

I have a reading level above third grade

What is the most inappropriate thing your wife has done in front of you?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I see through liars

What are the pros and cons of arranged marriages?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Why do Democrats look like snowflakes and Republicans look like Vikings?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t buy bullshit

What is the degree of influence of Saudi Wahhabism on the modern Muslim world?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I have complete contempt for fakery

What parts of the Bible, if any, are inappropriate to read to children? Why?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

Can people who have never met you tell if you are a covert narcissist?

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I actually pay taxes

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I have an acute aversion to scumbags